I know no one will read this.... I think that's probably why I'm posting this here, no one who knows me IRL is on here or even visits this page.

I think I hit rock bottom the other night. Despite all the amazing people in my life when heartbreak becomes reality, it's very hard to ignore that the bad hurts no matter how much good there is. The friends in my life love me so much and believe me I do see that, but I lost a best friend yesterday... I spent two years of my life with him and was sure I was going to marry him... But I suppose things happen, people change and lives go on.

This is the third relationship I've had ruined because I cannot function as a stable human being for elongated periods of time. I gave him the warning when we started this relationship. And in the end he couldn't handle that when I have a breakdown I need to handle it alone, and once my feet are back on the ground I can resume my life... He couldn't handle being there without the title... the fucking title of boyfriend/girlfriend... the lack of that is why he couldn't handle this situation.... As sad as it makes me it is starting to anger me.. he couldn't respect that I needed to put my life back on track in order to continue on with my life happily.. But I fully acknowledge that it was selfish of me to ask him to put his heart on hold for me, so I don't blame him for this.

So two years of an amazing relationship are now down the drain, watching him walk out the door last night for the last time ever really hurt. I saw that coming, but no matter how much you prepare yourself... if you love someone the end inevitably will sting.

Time to put my life back on the track I need it to be on. The semester starts in a month, 6 classes, 2 semesters left to go.. I will make it that I do know, but the road to redemption is often paved with challenges and problems. I'll start over, but this time I really am going to do this alone. Relationships will be on a back burner for a long time to come.

I wish I had a moral to this story for my own good.. and this time I sadly do not.